A SAFE SPACE FOR REAL CONVERSATIONS
Hi, I'm Shelly.
Accredited Psychosexual Therapist.
Clinical Supervisor.
Trainer. Podcaster.
Nothing in nature blooms all year - why expect yourself to?
Tell us a Tail provides a warm, relaxed and safe environment for clients to feel at ease and supported to make improvements in their lives.
I am an accredited, integrative Sex, Relationship and Trauma Therapist, Clinical Supervisor, Educational Trainer and Podcast Creator.
I have a background in life coaching, which means I use lots of different models and techniques to help you work through the changes you want to make. I'm a trauma informed therapist which means that I am aware that lots of people have felt some sort of trauma in their lives and this can affect us physically and psychologically.
Think of integrative therapy as a big box of tools that can be used when relevant, to adapt to your needs and the way that you learn about yourself, rather than a one size fits all approach. Everyone is different and we all learn in different ways, so my approach is adaptable to help you make the changes you want to see.
I often use visuals and analogies to help you make sense of what you are feeling and I always use humour to help break the ice.
"you're the queen of analogies"
"I never expected to laugh in therapy, but I always look forward to my sessions"
"you're so easy to talk to.. I never once felt judged"
Qualifications and experience
I hold an MSc in Contemporary Psychosexual Therapies and am an accredited member of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT), working in accordance with their professional and ethical standards.
Alongside my private practice, I work as a Psychosexual Therapist on an NHS sexual health contract. I am also a qualified Clinical Supervisor, providing supervision to therapists and other professionals working with sex, relationships and trauma.
My experience of working with sexual trauma began when I was an advocate within a rape crisis charity. I recognised that many survivors experienced difficulties with touch, intimacy and sexual functioning, even when the abuse had happened many years earlier. This continues to inform my trauma-aware approach, and I am a #CheckWithMeFirst advocate.
I am a GSRD-affirmative therapist and trans ally. Whether you are seeking support with solo sex, partnered sex, relationships or intimacy, you will be met with curiosity, respect and without judgement.
How I work
My approach is integrative, which means I draw upon different therapeutic models according to your needs. These may include Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, psychosexual education, coaching techniques and practical exercises to complete privately between sessions.
EMDR can help the brain process distressing or traumatic experiences that may continue to affect your emotions, body, relationships or sexual functioning. We will discuss whether this approach is appropriate for you before incorporating it into your therapy.
I have more than ten years’ experience in person-centred behaviour-change coaching, helping people understand the patterns that influence their choices and develop realistic ways to create change.
I also hold diplomas in Body Language and Health Coaching. This knowledge helps me recognise when someone may feel anxious or uncomfortable and supports my work with confidence, communication and anxiety. I am also a Mental Health First Aider with Mental Health First Aid England and have experience delivering mental health interventions within NHS services.
Mindfulness can help you notice your thoughts, emotions and physical responses without immediately reacting to them. This can be particularly useful when working with anxiety, trauma, intimacy and relationship patterns.
Where appropriate, I may also use guided analytical meditation as a reflective exercise. This can help you explore emotions, experiences or future goals that may initially feel difficult to understand or express in words.
Types of therapy I offer
I use a biopsychosocial approach which allows me to look at how the biological, physical and psychological aspects of your life are impacting your difficulty.
Sex and Relationship Therapy
If you are experiencing difficulties with erectile dysfunction, ejaculation control, pain during sex, lack of sex drive/ low libido or excessive sex drive, managing sex after menopause or relationship issues, the issue could be stemming from a psychological place.
Psychosexual therapy should always rule out any physical reasons for the problem and then focus on what your mind and subconscious mind might be doing to cause the problem.
Talking to a stranger about a very personal area of your life, such as erectile dysfunction or painful sex can seem scary, but a professional perspective helps you to understand your difficulty and identify the reasons for it and work through any blocks that are causing the issue.
I use a sex-positive approach with individuals and partners, depending on your need. Confidentiality is very important, and that extends to between partners, giving you the freedom to speak independently.
Trauma Therapy
Trauma impacts people in different ways. Some find it hard to regulate their emotions, some find themselves shutting down around certain situations.
People often experience triggers which will cause an emotional reaction or mood swings and often don't even know what the trigger was. Sleep is often disrupted and fraught with nightmares. Some people dissociate, which is where they believe they are back in a traumatic situation.
Trauma therapy teaches techniques using every day objects to manage and identify those triggers and calm down the reactions after nightmares.