Psychosexual, Relationship & Trauma Therapist
Hi, I'm Shelly (she/her).
I started Tell us a Tail in 2022 to provide a warm, relaxed and safe environment for my clients to feel at ease and supported to make improvements in their lives.
I am a solution focused, integrative therapist and life coach, which means I use lots of different models and techniques to help you work through the changes you want to make. I'm a trauma informed therapist which means that I am aware that lots of people have felt some sort of trauma in their lives and this can affect us physically and psychologically.
Think of integrative therapy as a big box of tools that can be used when relevant, to adapt to your needs and the way that you learn about yourself, rather than a one size fits all approach. Everyone is different and we all learn in different ways, so my approach is adaptable to help you make the changes you want to see.
I often use visuals and analogies to help you make sense of what you are feeling and I always use humour to help break the ice.
"you're the queen of analogies"
"I never expected to laugh in therapy, but I always look forward to my sessions"
"you're so easy to talk to.. I never once felt judged"
Qualifications and experience
I have an MSc in Contemporary Psychosexual Therapies, and I am registered with the College Of Sex and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) I am bound by their code of ethics. I also work on an NHS sexual health contract as a Psychosexual Therapist (PST).
I began working with sexual trauma when I worked as an advocate in a rape crisis charity, I recognised that many of my clients faced difficulties with intimacy and sex, and I realised that the slightest platonic touch could be triggering for some people and I am a #CheckWithMeFirst advocate.
I am a GSRD therapist and trans ally. Whether your issue is about solo sex or sex with a partner/s, I'm here to listen and support you.
I have a Diploma in Body Language and health coaching, which allows me to help you feel at ease in your therapy sessions. I can also teach you about changing your body language to help you feel more confident and relaxed and I can provide techniques to help you speak in front of groups or at work. Body language is enormously helpful for people with anxiety.
I have 10 years of experience in coaching behaviour change in a person centred way to make different life choices to change either a psychical or psychological symptom.
I'm a Mental Health First Aider with Mental Health First Aid England and experienced in delivering mental health interventions within the NHS.
I use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in a lot of my work, to help you to identify thoughts and beliefs about events and help you change them.
I am trained in Mindfulness to senior level. I use Mindfulness in all my therapies because there are so many benefits to it. Being present in a conversation or activity can make all the difference in relationships and our ability to focus. Being mindful allows you to focus on your senses in the here and now. It is tremendously helpful in trauma therapy.
Analytical meditation is a guided meditation in which your sub conscious can communicate, so if you feel out of sorts, or anxious but aren't sure why or you just want to explore your future goals, analytical mediation can help you do just that and can help to start a conversation about why you are feeling that way.
Types of therapy I offer
I use a biopsychosocial approach which allows me to look at how the biological, physical and psychological aspects of your life are impacting your difficulty.
Sex and Relationship Therapy
If you are experiencing difficulties with erectile dysfunction, ejaculation control, pain during sex, lack of sex drive/ low libido or excessive sex drive, managing sex after menopause or relationship issues, the issue could be stemming from a psychological place.
Psychosexual therapy should always rule out any physical reasons for the problem and then focus on what your mind and subconscious mind might be doing to cause the problem.
Talking to a stranger about a very personal area of your life, such as erectile dysfunction or painful sex can seem scary, but a professional perspective helps you to understand your difficulty and identify the reasons for it and work through any blocks that are causing the issue.
I use a sex-positive approach with individuals and partners, depending on your need. Confidentiality is very important, and that extends to between partners, giving you the freedom to speak independently.
Trauma Therapy
I am a member of the UK Psychological Trauma Society (UKPTS) and the European Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (ESTSS).
Trauma impacts people in different ways. Some find it hard to regulate their emotions, some find themselves shutting down around certain situations.
People often experience triggers which will cause an emotional reaction or mood swings and often don't even know what the trigger was. Sleep is often disrupted and fraught with nightmares. Some people dissociate, which is where they believe they are back in a traumatic situation.
Trauma therapy teaches techniques using every day objects to manage and identify those triggers and calm down the reactions after nightmares.
'Nothing in nature blooms all year'
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